Miss you dad

Hey , today i will write in english . Just to improve my english , so i will try the best to write this well . Haha i think i should watch more of oh my english !

So , today i wanna tell you about my dad . My beloved dad . He has pass away since june last year . It really hard to accept the truth about this .

When i heard the news , for one night i cant sleep . It made me thinks about everything . Every single things .
How i can survive without him by my side .
How i will live without seeing him .
How i will continue my life after this.
How i can be happy without you .
How i want to smile without your smile .
How i want to gain support if theres no you to support me
How my life will change without you
How i want to beg for his forgiveness . After all the wrongdoing i did . I feel very disappointed because i dont have the chance to meet him for the last time . It really hard to me to accept all this thing . But i know allah has better plan for me . There must be reason and benefits about this . Stay positive girl .

I really want to know about the factor of his death . But i dont have the guts to ask . I dont want to cry in front of my mother . I want to look strong in front her . Eventually , i will know the cause of his death .
Myocardial infraction . I dont how to spell it , but i will check it later .

This infraction , i learn during my biology lessons . Like seriously i am very shock . My dad had a heart attack , for me its very impossible to detect right . The problem happens inside his body 

Seriously when i read my biology book ( success is really helpful ) , i cried . I cried a lot . Like a lot . I never had imagine that my dad will suffer this kind of disease . Some kind of heart disease , that will brought to dead . Thus , i really want to be a speacialist in cardiovascular . I want to prevent this unexpected disease . This is really harmful disease   . Hmm . I really thought i can fight this disease in my family . But this things had taken one of my favourite person in my life .

Dad

You are my everyhthing .
You are the sunshine to me .
You are the rainbow to my heart .
You are the best thing that i ever had

Yeah i love you dad . Love you for all the years . Love you with no reason . Love you to the moon and back

But i never told you right .
I feel very frustated .

Why dont I show you my love towards you ?
Why I dont treat you well ?
Why dont i call you everyday ?
Why dont i text you everyday ?
Why dont i ask you are you alright today ? What are you doing today ? How are you .and all the question that i should ask you .

Why dont you give me the hint that you will leaving us .?
Why is it you dont tell me yoy hurt so much . ?

Dad ,
i have many question to ask you .
How you met mom ? How you and mom in love ? Why do you choose mom . I want to know all of your love story .

Dad .
Are you wishing me for my birthday?
Have you brought my present ?
Surely you want to celebrate it with me right . Hee i will wait for you okay .